I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
