she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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