Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
