Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize