Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
