she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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