No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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