Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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