I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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