4 words: hood of his car
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
