I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
