Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
