he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
