What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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