finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
