I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
