He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
