The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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