Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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