You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
