Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
