so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
