Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
