Someone shit on the floor
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
