a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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