the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
