Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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