Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
