At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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