I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
why is half of my head shaved?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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