My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
