Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
