Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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