Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
