it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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