i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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