Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am available for nakedness
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
