Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
accomplished twins. life is a go
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
