Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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