we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
