Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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