I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Don't make out with my wife yet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
