i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
