a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize