the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
