I want to have your abortion
one two three fourrrrnication!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
