Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
