Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
