This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
