One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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