butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize