Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
