mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
