Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
