I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
