How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
