Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
