i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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