The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
