I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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