he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
