Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still have a little drunk in my system
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
