i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
