i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
