there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
