Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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