Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
