so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
